I remember when I first held your hand, you were with her and my heart skipped a beat. I remember when you first told me how you felt and I couldn’t breathe. I remember telling you that it was not a good idea. You see, we’ve been friends longer than I can remember. Since we’ve started school I believe. I thought things will never change. I changed first. I’ll admit that much. But now, things have progressed to the point where I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.
I ignored my feeling and pushed everything aside so that things can be normal again. And the plan worked until you changed. And now everything is in the air, falling down on us. You’ve said how you feel but that not the way you’re acting. I said that the time wasn’t right but I don’t think you’ve tried to make it right. Everything else just seems to be more important right now. Everything is more important than your family, your friends, even me. Maybe I’m just jealous. Maybe I just want you to myself. Maybe I just don’t want to share.
I want to give us a shot and I want to try. But if the time now isn’t right. Then when is the right time? When every chance we get passes us by? I miss you next to me. I miss the time at the bench with your head on my lap. I miss the times when we would go out and bicker non stop. Because that’s just who we are. And I thought that nothing could change that. I thought wrong.
It’s the perfect example of me wanting to go back time and change some things. Take back some of the words. Change the way I said them. It seemed right at the moment. Everything seemed right at the moment. So now as every emotion threatens to erupt and consume me. I try not to cry, I try to be stronger. I try not to be jealous. Because if that was your plan, to show me how much I depended on you, it’s working. Extremely well indeed.
So I don’t know what I’m expecting or hoping. I don’t know what I want or need. And I don’t think you do either. I just want to sort things out. We just don’t seem to have the guts to talk things out. Or even mildly address the issue. But the problem is there. And it’s going to be there for a long time.
I'm done.